Last year was a great year, although it was somewhat tainted with heartaches, habitual "streesssssssss" that goes along with the job, and most of all still trying to cope with the fact that my youngest sister April is already in college...and I'm already old... :)

We started the 2005 year with a sad remark, because we lost my cousin Robert's fiancee during the Boxing Day tsunami tragedy happened in Thailand, Indonesia and other parts of southern Asia and Africa. Up till now, my cousin still hasn't forgotten the pain of being the only survivor whilst all of those who came with him in Phuket (inlcuding his fiancee's sister in law, mom, dad and twin brothers) all perished during the tsunami. He still cries alot whenever I ring him on the phone and would often tell me that his only frustration was that he never found her body. (He stayed in Thailand for almost a year, until his mother begged him to let go).

My birthday last year was a blast, my 4 friends from childbirth came home to celebrate my 24th birthday, and one of them even gave a Mr. Bean doll and on the card wrote:
"On your 24th birthday, one more year before the big 25 in which you will be starting to feel the pressure of you are suppose to get married now... we give you Mr. Bean, and hope that what he represents would stick into your head that happiness starts within... and we hope that your unfailing faith in God and to us would never in a moment change. Because we never loose faith Apple, we believe in all things that is possible with God. We love you...Emma, Anna, Bee and Lily"

Then came June... Emma had an car accident... I got an anonymous call from a nurse in a local hospital in Batangas and that my name was the only one thats a local number on her cellphone... apparently, a certain Ms. Roces had a vehicular accident and suffered servere head trauma and internal bleeding which the hospital cannot attend to due to lack of hospital equipment, so I called on the hospital here in Alabang and asked if they have any way to take her as fast as they can, and they suggested that a helicopter transfer is the only way possible. So I took on the challenge of speaking to a relative that I have never spoken to for so long, and luckily...blood is really thicker than water. So in a matter of minutes, a helicopter came to pick her up and transfer her to the hospital here in Alabang.

I waited for her in the OR of the hospital, I rang some of my friends to come and stay with me...only one came while others were still apprently glued on being asleep. When the chopper arrived, and I saw the hospital staff running down the OR...my heart was beating so fast that I thought I would never be able to pull this through...and there she was, lying in the hospital stretcher her face full of blood...i literally got numb... I just looked at her while everyone from the hospital is talking to me asking me alot of questions about her...her medical conditions... Which I couldn't answer...and the only thing that I can provide them was her blood type and her allergies plus her family doctor. Then seconds later, the OR door closes...while I, got so confused and scared that my friend can only look at me in shock.

I stayed on the hospital after her operation...and during the operation she got into a coma... the doctor said that there was nothing more that they can do but hope and pray that she gets over it. A few hours later, I called in her parents, our friends and her younger brother. After that, all I can hear were voices so faint that I never understood anything...I couldn't leave her, but I had to go to work, the doctor assured me that if there is any slight changes at all, I will be notified. So I called in my friend to stay with her, a few of her HS friends came she said when they heard about the news.

Right after work, I went straight to the hospital... and stayed there for the night... I got calls from her family and her fiancee who lives in Switzerland. A miracle happened that night, she opened her eyes and she smiled at me...took a hold of my hand, and her touch was so gentle and whispered something that I never thought would be her last. As I got alot better from seeing her getting through a coma, I had the best sleep in years... the next day there was a smile in my face when I went to work...

During my tea-break with my office friends, my phone rang...and it was the most dreaded phone call I got in my entire life... it was my friend Reg, "Apple, Emma's gone." and as I excused myself from the table, I went to CR and I stayed there crying at one point then went blank...Beth entered the CR and asked my why I was crying...I couldn't give her an answer. As I went back to my desk, everyone who was in the pantry asked if I was okay...Gay understood from my look that I needed a moment to recover (Thanks Gay!) ... by the time that I got into the hospital... I had one last look before I took her to Loyola. She was indeed sleeping soundly... and I do thank God for making her feel pain so brief.

The other painful part of this journey was when I picked up her brother Euan from the airport... when he saw me he started to cry, and I couldnt cry because I had to be stronger for him. He's my little brother too... and then came packing all of her things at their house and the other things at the apartment she shared with her fiancee. Anna cried alot that time, while Lily put on a brave face when I had her do the task of packing Emma's clothes and donate them to charity. Her mother gave each of us a jacket that Emma loves, which I am wearing now... its a green sports jacket that Euan gave her last Christmas. Bea quoted Emma's famous thought to us for her eulogy, Anna sang her favorite song, Lily gave a short message and I reflected her life, told them of her fears and her dreams and remembered her the way that she would have liked.